


Hobble Bobble Toil and Trobble

by polverine



Series: The Bright and Wonderful Life of Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Family, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:47:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22504249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polverine/pseuds/polverine
Summary: (I deeply apologise for the title...terrible word play on a Manfred Mann song)While out shopping with Marlene, Sirius finds a bobblehead that looks an awful lot like his favourite teacher.A series of ficlets following Sirius and Marlene's relationship during the first war.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Minerva McGonagall, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon
Series: The Bright and Wonderful Life of Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1622290
Comments: 9
Kudos: 42





	1. I.

Sirius let his eyes wander across shop window after shop window as he walked hand in hand with Marlene down a busy Muggle London street. Home decorations for their flat bulged from the bags they — but mostly him — were carrying. Why one sofa needed six cushions, or why their shabby little flat needed both fancy and everyday china, was completely beyond him. But Marlene had been very insistent.

He stopped suddenly outside a toy shop. His eyes had fallen on a six inch bobblehead figure of a very stern looking witch with black hair, square spectacles, and a purple witches hat. A slow smile spread across his face.

“What?” Marlene asked, looking back. Sirius let go of her hand and pointed through the glass.

“Doesn’t that look like McGonagall?”

Marlene moved closer. “I guess it does a bit— what are you doing?” For Sirius had pushed open the shop door. “Don’t tell me you’re buying it?”

“‘Course I am! Come on, Marls.” He grinned, holding the door open for her. She gave him a withering look, but stepped inside the shop. 

“If she ever sees it—”

“If? I’m going to show it to her.” He said, looking around and finding a whole shelf of them. He touched the hat of one and the head started to bob. _Ha! Brilliant!_

“Have you lost your mind? I mean have you completely taken leave of your senses? She’ll put you in detention for a month.” Marlene said, although he noticed that her eyes kept drifting back to the bobblehead, and he was sure she was fighting at least a little smile. He looked at her in disbelief.

“Marley, we aren’t at school any more. McGonagall can’t put me in detention.” He laughed, selecting the sternest looking of the identical witches. “Are you telling me, that if she gave you a detention now, you’d show up?” He asked, and Marlene nodded. He wasn’t sure why she was looking at him like _he_ was the insane one. “Yeah, well, you’re scared of her.” 

“Listen, Black, I’m not scared of anything.” Marlene said, drawing herself up before quickly deflating. “But yes, I’m scared of McGonagall.” 

Sirius let out a bark of a laugh and went to pay the young girl behind the counter. He was glad that Lily had given them a crash course in Muggle money, it was nice to be able to navigate this world without looking like an idiot. 

“Are we done now? Can we go home?” She asked, interrupting the small talk he was currently making. He was deliberately taking his time, the old habit of trying to annoy her hadn’t died away when they’d started dating in their sixth year. 

“Are your feet hurting?” He asked over his shoulder, looking pointedly at her high heels. Her lips pressed into a line so thin that it actually could have rivalled McGonagall’s. She wasn’t going to admit it even if they were. Marlene McKinnon had never given him the satisfaction of being right, and he was sure she wasn’t about to start now.


	2. II.

“Sirius.” Marlene said, pulling her mouth from his and shuffling up the bed, away from him. “You need to take that doll out of the bedroom. There’s no way I’m sleeping with you while mini-McGonagall is watching.” 

“Marls, it’s a bobblehead, it can’t actually see you.” He said slowly. “You do know that it’s not real don’t you? Just because the head moves, doesn’t mean it’s alive.” 

“You’re such an arse.” She muttered, grumpily. Sirius sighed, and pulled back a little on the meanness. He didn’t actually want to _upset_ her. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry. Here—” He got up and rummaged through his old school trunk (he still hadn’t properly unpacked it) until he found his old hat. He placed it over the bobblehead and turned back to Marlene. “Compromise.” He waited for a small nod of approval before crossing back to her. Grabbing hold of both of her ankles, he pulled her down the bed. She let out a shriek of a laugh, and aimed a pillow at his head. Sirius kissed her deeply, and she tangled her fingers in his hair.  
They’d been together for four years now, and sometimes he still couldn’t believe his luck. As brilliant and good looking as he was — and he was rather brilliant and good looking, even if it was arrogant to think so — Marlene outshone him in every regard. 

“You're really going to leave your socks on?” He asked, when she stopped him from pulling them off. “You gave me shit for a week last time I didn’t take my socks off for sex.” 

“My feet are cold.” She shrugged, tugging her blonde hair out of its ponytail. 

“Sexy.” Sirius laughed, though it faltered slightly at the gleam of mischief in her eyes. She kicked off her socks and a second later pressed her icy feet against his calf muscles. He jumped, somehow managing to simultaneously poke himself in the eye and elbow her in the ribs.

“Ouch.” She said, but she was still ginning. “Babe, I don’t think it’s going to happen tonight.”


	3. III.

“There’s nothing wrong with the curtains.” Sirius sighed in exasperation, balancing on the rear legs of a kitchen chair and staring up at the ceiling. Marlene waved her wand and the curtains turned from red to silver. 

“We spent seven years looking at red curtains, I’m a little sick of it.” Marlene said, with a finality in her voice that should have signalled the end of the conversation, but Sirius was never one to back down so easy from a fight.

“You’ve chosen everything in this living room, you can’t let me have this one?” He let his chair fall back onto all four legs with a bang.

“I just have better taste than you do.” She said, with an infuriating smugness.

“ _Accio Bobblehead._ ” Sirius called, pointing his wand in the direction of the bedroom. The doll zoomed into the room and skidded to a halt on the kitchen table. He touched the head to stop it moving.

“What the-” Marlene began but he held up his hand to stop her.

“Professor, don’t you think the living room curtains should be red?” He asked the doll, and knocked the hat to make it nod again. “See, Mini-McGons agrees.” 

“Oh for fucks sake.” Marlene snapped. “If you keep talking to that thing I’ll have you committed to St Mungo’s! You do know it’s not real?” She asked slowly, as though he were a few crayons short of a box. “Just because the head moves, doesn’t mean it’s alive.”

Sirius felt a twinge of guilt in his stomach, had that really been how he’d talked to her the other week? There was a steely anger darkening her blue eyes and he knew that he was rapidly approaching the danger zone now. If he didn’t walk this back, then at _best_ he’d be on the sofa for a couple of nights.

“You were right, the other week. I was being a git.” He said quietly. “I don’t think you’re stupid. I’ve never thought that. I think you’re incredible.” 

Marlene seemed to soften somewhat at the sincerity in his voice. “We should go, we’re going to be late. Let me just grab my coat.” She said, and when she’d left the room, he tossed the bobblehead into her handbag and flicked his wand at the curtains to turn them back to red. Closing the door to the behind him so she wouldn’t see, he met her in the hallway. 

“Are you honestly going to bring that?” She asked, catching sight of the doll as she took her bag from him. 

“I want to show McGonagall.” Sirius shrugged. “She’ll love it, she’s got a great sense of humour.” 

“She doesn’t find you nearly as funny as you think she does.” Marlene warned. 

“Deep down McGonagall finds me charming.” He said, holding the front door open for her.

“Did she find you charming when she gave you a month of detentions for turning Claire Lowe’s cat into a tiger when it wandered into the classroom? You put poor Claire in the hospital wing for the rest of the day from the shock of it all.” Marlene challenged, and Sirius smiled fondly for a moment at the memory. 

“Deep, deep, deep down I think she found me a little bit charming, yeah. It was a pretty cool bit of transfiguration for a fourth year.” He shrugged, hurrying after her. 

The Order were meeting at Elphias Doge’s house that afternoon. As Sirius passed James, he bent down and kissed the top of Harry’s head. 

“No Lily?” Marlene asked, looking around. 

“She’s with that awful sister of her’s, their dad is getting pretty bad now.” He said sombrely, as Harry tried to grab at Benjy’s earring. James shifted his chair away slightly and pulled Harry’s hand down. 

“We’ll come over to see her tomorrow.” Marlene murmured.

“She’d like that.” James smiled, and added to Harry — in cutesy voice that Sirius really struggled not to mock him for — “Mummy, will like that won’t she? Yes she will.” 

Sirius reached into Marlene’s bag and knelt at the end of the kitchen table, placing the bobblehead down on the surface. He flicked the head to make it move, and rested his chin on his folded arms; looking up at the real McGonagall with as much innocence on his face as he could muster. The room fell deadly silent. All eyes on the rapid bobbing of the doll’s head. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Marlene’s gaze flick quickly to McGonagall. No doubt awaiting an explosion of fury.

“What is that supposed to be?” She asked him coldly, looking down at him over the top of her glasses; though her voice told him that she knew exactly what he thought it was supposed to be.

“It’s you!” Sirius beamed cheerfully. McGonagall stared at him. Her mouth was the thinnest he had ever seen it, (except maybe that time he’d almost killed Snivellus.) But he was sure...sure that a softness crossed her expression. Yeah, deep down, beneath the complete lack of amusement…she was at least, a little bit, amused. 

“What possible purpose— It looks nothing like me.” McGonagall spluttered, her nostrils flaring dangerously. 

“He asks it for advice, Professor.” Marlene grinned, like the traitor she was. “‘Professor McGonagall, Marlene and I can’t agree on the colour of curtains for our living room,’” she said in a very poor impression of his voice. “‘what colour do you think we should choose?’”

“Marley!” Sirius growled as James roared with laughter. He shot him a glare, and had he not been holding a baby he’d be dangling in the air by his ankles.  
McGonagall regraded him for a moment. 

“Black, you might no longer be at school but you are still a Gryffindor and I am head of Gryffindor house—” 

Maybe Marlene had been right; was she _really_ going to try and give him detention? 

“—if you need advice you are more than welcome to write to me.” McGonagall said, almost smiling, and added, “I recommend tartan curtains.”


	4. IV.

Sirius tossed the keys to his bike in the dish by the door and hung up his leather jacket. Seeing Erin Graves get carted off by Aurors had been wonderfully satisfying to watch. Death Eaters were picking them off one by one, and Graves’s arrest made him feel like they weren’t fighting such a losing battle. 

“Marls, I’m home. Graves didn’t stand a chance, you should’ve seen—” He broke off as he walked into the living room. Marlene was sat forwards on the sofa, chewing on her thumbnail, the bobblehead nodding slowly. Sirius felt his stomach plummet. “Who’d they get?” He asked quietly. 

“What?...Oh! No, it’s nothing like that.”

He looked at her expectantly, but Marlene didn’t elaborate. 

“Have you been asking the doll for advice?” At least he could breathe again.

“I’m pregnant.” 

Sirius stared at her. His mouth felt suddenly dry, his ears ringing. _Pregnant?_ What the fuck was happening?  
“I don’t— How—”

“How? Are you fucking kidding me? The traditional way you idiot.” Marlene said, staring at him in disbelief. 

“Okay.” He said, pacing the length of the living room. “It’s going to be okay.” _Pregnant._ An actual real human child. 

“You don’t have to…I mean I get that this isn’t what either of us signed up for, at least not yet. You can walk away, no hard feelings.” 

But Sirius was smiling. He was going to be a father. As terrifying as that prospect was, it felt wonderful. Plus, if Prongs could do it how hard could it _really_ be? 

“I’m not going anywhere. A herd of angry centaur couldn’t keep me away.” He grinned. He flopped down beside her on the sofa. _A baby._

“Aren’t you scared? We’re in the middle of a war.”

“Relax, if Voldemort comes knocking, me and the baby will hide behind you.” He teased. Marlene punched him hard on the thigh. 

“You’re not taking this seriously!” 

“Marlene.” He sighed, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you. Or our kid. Come here.” He said, tugging her into his arms.


	5. V.

Sirius barely had time to register the scene he’d apparated into. Marlene single handedly preventing Bellatrix, Wilkes, and Dowd from knocking down Edgar Reed’s front door as she stood covered in, and surrounded by — he realised with a wave of nausea that almost knocked him flat — the remains of Benjy Fenwick. Sirius sent a curse at Wilkes and caused him to stumble back slightly before he and Dowd began to advance on him. Had Marlene sent word to the rest of the Order? Surely she had, she could cast a Patronus faster than anyone he had ever met.

“Marlene, go!” He bellowed, desperately trying to deflect curses as quickly as they were being fired. 

“I’m not leaving you.” She ducked just in time. At least with these two distracted Marlene now had a fair fight.

“I think she loves you, cousin!” Bellatrix cackled, mirthlessly. Sirius managed to stun Dowd just as Bellatrix dodged a stunning spell from Marlene. _“Crucio!”_

Marlene writhed. Her screams piercing Sirius’s very soul. 

“No!” 

Fury rose in him like he had never known before. An all consuming, murderous rage. Forgetting Wilkes, who was blundering side to side with blood in his eyes, he turned to face Bellatrix. She was stood over Marlene. Laughing. _“Crucio!”_ She cried again.

He understood the true effectiveness of this spell. He would give Bellatrix anything she wanted in order to stop Marlene’s pain…

 _Even Harry?_ Asked a nasty little voice in his head.  
No, never Harry.

Wilkes shot a jet of white light; it cut across Sirius’s arm. The pain was burning and he felt blood seep down his sleeve. Faint pops in the distance had him turn. The Order. Stunners flew in Bellatrix and Wilkes direction, but they had disapparated. 

“Marlene.” He skidded to his knees by her side, she was panting as she tried to push herself up off of the ground. “Easy does it.” He whispered, helping her to her feet. He was about to ask her if she was okay but, but it was a question unparalleled in its stupidity. Moody was first to reach them.

“What happened?” He asked, gripping Marlene’s bony shoulder and shaking her slightly. She had never seemed so delicate, so fragile. Sirius growled dangerously but she placed her hand over his heart, silencing him. 

“We were patrolling the perimeter and they came out of nowhere. It all happened so quickly. I sent you the Patronus but…I guess that second I was distracted was all it took. They — I think it was Wilkes but I’m not sure — he hit Benjy with a blasting curse and he just…he just exploded.” She looked around, ghostly white, at the flesh and body parts that littered the ground around them, and splattered the walls of Reed’s house. She looked down and must of have spotted the blood on her clothes because she swayed dangerously on the spot for a second and vomited over the front of Moody’s robes. Sirius darted forwards instinctively — this had been a near daily occurrence — and pulled her hair out of the way, winching as his fingers closed over a chunk of Benjy’s flesh. In _any_ other situation, Marlene throwing up on Moody, hell anyone throwing up on Moody, would have been hilarious. 

“I’m taking her home.” He said firmly, glaring at Moody and daring him to protest. If he had any more questions they could wait until tomorrow. 

“You’re bleeding.” Marlene said when they were back in the flat. She was still very pale. Sirius pulled off his shirt to get a better look. The cut looked deep; blood was pouring profusely from his upper arm. “Here.” She said, running her wand slowly across the gash, sealing it up…her hand was shaking so badly that it was going to leave a pretty jagged scar. It did the job though. “I’m going for a shower.” She mumbled quickly, fleeing from the bedroom before Sirius had time to respond.

He sunk down on the bed and buried his face in his hands, pressing the heels of his palms hard into his eye sockets. The sound of Marlene’s screams as Bellatrix had tortured her were still reverberating against the inside of his skull. She wasn’t supposed to have been there. It was supposed to be him and Benjy tonight, but he’d been out drinking with Remus and she’d had to cover for him. _Fuck!_ He’d promised that he wouldn’t let anyone hurt her. _Good fucking job, Padfoot._ He moved the bobblehead to bedside table and stared at it for a moment. 

“What do I do?”

It reminded as silent and unhelpful as ever. 

Marlene was in the shower for a long time. So much steam was coming out from underneath the door that the water must have been scalding her. When she eventually returned to the bedroom she pulled on one of his t-shirts, and got into bed, not saying a word. She rolled on to her side so that she wouldn’t have to look at him. Sirius lay behind her and placed a hand on her hip. Marlene flinched. 

“Let me take you to St Mungo’s—”

“I’m fine.” 

“I’m not…It’s not just you I’m worried about.” Marlene reached up and flicked the doll’s hat, watching the rapid bobbing of the head. “Marley—”

“I’ve just washed pieces of Benjy Fenwick out of my hair. I’m not in the mood to be prodded and poked by healers tonight.” She snapped. Then, as quickly as the anger seemed to rise up in her, it drained. “I’ll go in the morning.” A sob raked though her body and Sirius pulled her closer. “I’m so sorry, Benjy was your friend, and I couldn’t…I should have…I let them…”

“Hey, no, no, no. I was the one that was supposed to be there.” He whispered, his own tears rolling down his nose and into her wet hair. “You did everything right. You did everything you were supposed to do.” Hell, she’d held off three Death Eaters, duelled and survived them singlehandedly until help had arrived. He doubted he could have done it. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”


	6. VI.

“Remus sends his love.” Sirius said, kicking off his boots by the front door. Marlene was lying on the sofa reading a thick, leather-bound book, and the curtains were silver once again. Sirius was about to turn them back to red when he noticed what she was reading. _The Duty of Women: A guide to motherhood, homemaking and living up to the feminine ideal_ by Marcia Glenn. What the fuck? “Um…Marls, do you have some secret ambition to be a saintly housewife?”

“What?” She asked distractedly, looking up.

“The Marlene I fell in love with actually called Marcia Glenn a 'batty old witch that poses a genuine threat to the wizarding community.’ So who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend? Or has pregnancy made you completely lose your mind?” He asked, starting to feel concerned for her sanity…or that this was a Death Eater doing a very poor impersonation.

“Oh shut up. Ninety-nine percent of this is bullshit, but she has a spell to find out the sex of your baby. This book will be going on the fire where it belongs in a minute.” 

“Good, because while my knitting ability still leaves a lot to be desired, I’ve gotten really good at scrambling eggs.” Sirius chuckled. He jumped over the arm of the sofa and lifted her shoulders to slide down behind her. “Wait, did you say a spell to find out the sex of the baby?” 

“I mean the spell could be as much bullshit as everything else she’s written — I guess we’ll find out in six months — but apparently we’re having a girl.” 

Sirius beamed. They were having a daughter. The sort of happiness he hadn’t felt in weeks flooded his being. Marlene set the book down and rolled over onto her front. 

“I’ve missed that smile.” She sighed, rubbing his chest as Sirius threaded his fingers through her hair. “I know it sounds awful, but a small part of me was hoping for boy.” 

“Why, I figured every woman wanted a daughter?”

“Everything is different for girls.” She shrugged. She didn’t need to elaborate. 

“She’s going to be fine. She’ll be extraordinary…just like her father.” He added with a grin and Marlene poked him hard in the side.

“You’re supposed to make me feel better by saying ‘just like her mother.’” She snapped, but without any real annoyance. 

“But I am extraordinary.” He said, matter of factly. Marlene possibly muttered ‘humble too’, but she spoke against his stomach so he couldn’t be sure. “Hey listen, I know it’s early and you’re insane and superstitious—” She poked him hard again. “But I’ve been thinking about names. I want to use Minerva for a girl.” 

“You can jog right on. What is it with you and McGonagall? First that damn doll and now the name. Are you leaving me for her or something?” Marlene really did sound annoyed now.

“Yeah, she’s a thousand years old but I’m leaving you for her.” He said sarcastically. Marlene raised her eyebrows expectantly. “No, there’s more chance of you leaving me for Slughorn.” 

“Ugh, never, he’s a creep.” She said. “So, fine, what am I missing here?” 

“Look, my parents were terrible people. As soon they realised I was nothing like them, I became a waste of space. For a long time McGonagall was the closet thing I had to a decent parent.” He sighed. “She cared about me long before anyone else did…I know she was my teacher so it doesn’t really count — she cares about all of her students — but until Mr and Mrs Potter took me in, it was the best I could do.” He felt a burning in the corner of his eyes and quickly looked away. 

“Oh Sirius.” Marlene whispered. He bit down on his tongue; he hadn’t been after her pity. She reached up and nudged his chin so he was looking at her again, and brushed her thumb against his cheek. “Minerva Black is a lovely name.” She said.

Sensing a ‘but’, he raised his eyebrows. 

“But you’re naming any other kids we have?” He asked.

“You bet your arse I am, Black.”


	7. VII.

“Are you ready?” Marlene asked, shaking her hair out of it’s messy bun. They were telling Marlene’s parents and siblings about the baby tonight. Tomorrow they would tell everyone else. For the last couple of months this had just been him and Marlene. It had been nice, but she was starting to show now and they wouldn’t be able hide it much longer. Plus, he really wanted to tell Prongs. He’d wanted to tell him since he’d found out. 

“I’m just writing this letter, you go on ahead and I’ll meet you at your parent’s house.”

“Who are you writing to? James? We’re seeming him tomorrow—” she ran her fingers through his hair and looked over his shoulder. “Ahh, McGonagall. That was predictable.” 

“We’re telling your parents tonight, if mine were alive they’d be pretty far down the list of people to tell…this is as close as I can get.” 

Marlene kissed him softly. “Don’t take too long. And don’t forget to tell her that you think she’s a thousand years old.” 

“I really hate you sometimes.” He grinned.

“I hate you too. I’ll see you soon.” She said as she left the room. Sirius dipped his quill in his ink pot and paused for a moment.

_Dear Professor McGonagall,_

_I know you said it was okay to write to you for advice, well this isn’t that. Just news, and the bobblehead version of you dramatically under-reacted. Marlene and I are going to have a baby. I’m sure you must be more scared by that prospect than I am…the thought that in just over ten years you’re going to have to teach any child made by us, but don’t worry, she’s going to be extraordinary. Marlene tried some spell from batty old Marcia Glenn (don’t tell her I told you that, she’ll be really embarrassed and I’ll never hear the end of it), and she’s pretty sure that we’re having a girl. We’re going to call her Minerva. You’ve been such an inspiration, you cared about me when I had no one else and I just want thank you for that.  
I bought a ring, and I know she’ll probably think it’s too extravagant, but we all know that neither moderation or subtlety have been my strong suits. I’m going to ask her to marry me tonight…I’ll update you whether she says yes or no. Sorry, this is a rambling mess, but not everything can be a perfectly crafted transfiguration essay. I just never thought it was possible to feel this way._

Sirius paused again. He’d never written to McGonagall before and wasn’t sure how to sign off. Then he grinned.

_Your favourite student,  
Sirius_


End file.
